Fat Chance

How is that as your house burns up it burns down?
Why does a slim chance mean the same thing as a fat chance?

I recenlty got the following e-mail. I was actually surprised at how easy it was for me to read the words correctly. Why is that looking at the word "read" with even minimal context we correctly read it as "red" or "reed?"

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish Furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
13) They were too close to the Door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Just Happy to be Alive

So the last two weeks I've been working at Sac State. I found the Togo's employees just a little too happy to be working at Togo's. I greeted with a cheerful smile and friendly words. She joked with me as if we were old friends. As I left said something like, "have a great day" with such enthusiasm I believed that she meant it. Then I was met by another jovial fellow at the register. A couple days later I had a different woman that was almost equally as friendly. She was similar to the last one just minus 30 pounds and 2 cups of coffee. I ordered soup and salad and as she finished the order I asked for crackers.
As she put the crackers on my tray asked, "Is two good?"
"Yes."
"Just like you."

The pun was on the homophone "two." I left smiling, happy, and wondering what they are putting in the water at the Togo's at Sac State. I was so happy that I wasn't even disgruntled after paying 30 cents for a cup of water. (I also got charged tax for not ordering my food "to go," but that's a topic for another day.)

I told this story to my friend. She asked for clarification if the "just like you" might have referred to me also being a cracker.

Too good.

Heading South for Winter

I'm driving to L.A. tomorrow, and then I fly to Chile late Friday.
I haven't even started packing yet and I'm leaving tomorrow. My Spanish is rusty too. I need to pick it up again. Hopefully, I will be speaking better in a couple weeks.

I'd like to post on Sunday from Chile, but I don't know how practical that will be. I want to keep my regular column going, but I'm probably the only one that really cares.

I'll try to at least post something while I'm done there.

Forever

What can I say? Guys named Kevin know how to do it. I'm guessing this was a pretty fun wedding reception too.

Personality Test

The Enneagram is a personality system which divides the entire human personality into nine behavioral tendencies, this is my score on each...

Type 1Perfectionism||||||||||||||60%
Type 2Helpfulness||||||||||||||54%
Type 3Image Focus||||||||||||||||61%
Type 4Hypersensitivity||||||24%
Type 5Detachment||||||||||34%
Type 6Anxiety||||||||||32%
Type 7Adventurousness||||||||||||||57%
Type 8Aggressiveness||||||||||||||||||72%
Type 9Calmness||||||||||||||||||71

Inbox

I have 481 e-mails in my in-box. I expect to get that number down by tomorrow evening.

Value

I just spent $54 on a pair of flip-flops.

Corn on the Cob

My 4-year-old nephew, Ethan, was sitting next to me at the dinner table eating his corn on the cob. I buttered it for him and put a corn holder thing on each end. He chomped away as he held it with two hands.
He accidently knocked over his juice with his elbow. It spilled all over the floor, on his chair, on his leg, a little on me, and made quite a mess. He didn't even react. Despite the left side of his body being soaked in lemonade he just kepting eating his corn on the cob. He was not to be deterred. It was as if he didn't notice.

Don't bother me. I'm eating.

The corn was good.

A response I never expected to say

The night before I left for St. Louis I had a party at my house to celebrate the end of my school semester. The next morning around 9am I got a call from the wife of one of my friends. She asked me if I knew where he was, and what time he had left my house.

“I haven’t heard from him. He left here early, before midnight. I would be worried.”

She replied, “I am.”

She asked if I had ideas on what to do. Who should we call first? The police? The hospitals?
I was worried. He is a considerate guy. I thought of a few possibilities in my mind. All of them bad. Real bad.

From the airport I called his wife back.

“Any news?”

She replied back with a hint of frustration in her voice, “He’s in jail.”

I responded with all sincerity, “Oh, that’s great! I’m really glad to hear that.”

I was. I've never been so relieved in my life to hear one of my friend's was in jail.

I still haven’t heard his side of the story yet, but I’m seeing him tomorrow.