Fail Blogs from 2009

Dogbert

Dogbert the time management expert:

Dogbert: Never put time into an activity that has no potential benefit.

For example, why bother putting on makeup if you're going to wear that hideous outfit?

That's like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel.

The details

I admit I usually avoid wrapping gifts. I just do something silly like wrap in newspaper, or I buy a gift bag. Occasionally, I do wrap presents. I never considered this a particular difficult activity. Just this month I realized how bad I was it.

The first gift I wrapped was a large box, and it was heavy. However, I didn't realize how much trouble I would have. I ripped the paper initially, but kept going. I taped it together. Eventually, I tore it again and started over.

The next gift I had didn't fit in the box I had for it. So rather than finding another box I cut a hole in the top of the box and part of the present protruded through the opening. Then I just wrapped over it.

For the holidays I bought one role of snowmen paper, a bag of bows that had 52 bows (I needed 5) and a pack of 180 to/from tags (I also needed 5 of those).

I considered including more info in my blog, but I thought it might be funnier just to let the pics speak for themselves.

Some people were offended by the title, but I don't think most women would have as much trouble as I had wrapping the gifts. Nor do I think they would have continued to use the box after discovering it was too small.

Holiday Shopping

I was not the only one at the store tonight.

Diet

Last night for dinner I had pasta with a red sauce and bread. That's it.

I think I might start taking a daily vitamin.

Drunk Texting

I just got a text from a friend of mine that I've known for over ten years.

She wrote, "I'm drunk. Nice to meet you."

I think in some sorta weird way those sentences go together.

Safeway

I spent $75 on groceries yesterday, but with all the sales at Safeway I feel like I walked away with at least $80 in groceries.

Football

Conversation with my cousin Dave:

Me: Do you think the Lions can win outright in Baltimore?

Dave: Only if they're playing the University of Maryland.

Tired

For the last couple weeks most nights in the evening I'm exhausted. Sometimes as early as 5pm I'm fighting to stay awake. Some nights I can barely stay awake, and then I go to bed, and am still not able to sleep. I have problems.

I've been at least fighting it out until 9pm until I go to bed. Last night at 8:50pm I was too tired to sit up so I went to bed and skipped my usualy bedtime routine. I couldn't sleep. So I ended up getting up for a while, and going back to bed. Almost fell asleep, but couldn't. So at 11:15 I took a unisom.

Today, I decided to stop fighting it. At 6:30pm I layed down and fell asleep. I got up a little after nine. I'm not sure how I feel now, or if I will be able to go back to sleep.

It (my master's program) will all be over soon.

Self-identification

On the way home from work today I was behind a car whose license plate read, "In love with a paintballer."

I wondered how in to that sport somebody has to be in order...

Well, quite frankly I wonder about their relationship too.

The el gorrito story

A few weeks ago Ryan Miller e-mailed me and said, “Hey Kevin - I'm organizing a for-fun fiction writing project: Fifty-four short stories, each one based on a Mexican loteria card... Interested? Let me know; I'll draw you a card.”
I thought about it for a little bit, and then told him to draw me a card. This is the card I drew.

That's it. That is all I had to go on. I had to come up with a story relating to the card I drew. I looked for other images on the Internet. I found this guy:

I'm not exactly sure how the "Santa hat" translates in Spanish, but I also found this picture during my search.

I had to come up with a story. I decided to have my main character be a homeless person. I searched "homeless person case study" in google. I hadn't yet decided on the age or gender of my character, but I was inspired by this article. I used him for my main character. It was later I decided to write it in first person. There was a couple weeks after I had my idea before I began to write so I put some things together in my head.

Anyway... I don't know how people usually do this fiction stuff, but that's how I wrote my story. My buddy Gio drew "El Pescado," but hasn't written his piece yet.

Also, Ryan still says he has a few cards left that people have not drawn so let me know if you're interested in participating as well.

A dollar what?

I ordered a 99 cent bagel with cream cheese and my total came to $2.60. What? The cashier explained that my total was $2.39 and there was 21 cents tax. Yeah. I understand how sales tax works, I'm wondering about the $2.39.

My cream cheese cost $1.40. For cream cheese. More than the bagel. After I stated my opinion about paying a buck forty for cream cheese, she explained, "There is no price for flavor." Um... I guess there is, and right now it's $1.40.

I contemplated asking for butter instead, but I just paid the $2.60. It was a large thing of cream cheese.